Going Number Two on Some Recent Movies:

The promising UP IN THE AIR , with classy Vera Farmiga and a beautifully chilling beginning, is a grandchild of Frank Capra (not a bad lineage), and like the Whitmanesque Capra sings the body American and its weathers and wet snow and visible breath. But like all Capracorn it turns into a Christmas movie.

Not one of the reviews of AVATAR I've read remarks that it's an indictment of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan—though that's the whole thrust. There's nothing else going on in it but a nod at astral-body metaphysics.

In SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK Ionesco for some reason isn't credited among the writers, but then it lacks his grace. I approve of theft (bad poets borrow, good poets steal, etc.), but why hijack something as hard to sell as miserablism?

MULHOLLAND DRIVE (is that still recent?) is a poisonous Presbyterian vision of sinners in the hands of an angry God.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS treats us to the sight of women being shot in the back by a sniper as they try to escape a burning cinema because they sleep with the wrong soldiers. No more Tarantino movies for me—he insults the intelligence of a nine-year-old.

And no more Oliver Stone. He gets nothing right.

AMERICAN BEAUTY (is that still recent?) is a hypocritical mass of clichés. The Marine disciplinarian who's secretly gay—we haven't met him for the past ten minutes. A man lusts after his teenage daughter—this simply cannot be faced, so they substitute her nude rose-petal-covered girlfriend and then we have a nice safe little film.

NINE: Fellini didn't smoke. And Sophia was in none of his films.

DATE NIGHT: two characters in search of an author.

IT'S COMPLICATED: does a movie have to be ghettoized for the wrinklies to be watchable?

Not as long as the Coen brothers are around. Their A SERIOUS MAN, a retelling of the Book of Job, is not a happy affair but they're our best American filmmakers.

Nevertheless, after sitting through IRON MAN 2 my Precious One says she doesn't want me to take her to any more American movies.

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