(A chapter in YOU HAVE UPSET THE BALANCE OF THE UNIVERSE BY BEING BORN: Advice on How to Live by Dr Robert MacLean, PhD: http://robertmaclean.blogspot.com/p/you-have-upset-balance-of-universe-by.html. A new chapter every so often.)
    You are a swashbuckler.  You live beyond your means, both financially and psychologically.  You live dangerously, which is to say naked and unashamed.  Play and danger are what you need.  There is no security anyway and heaven loves those who dare.
    Fear is a bore (see BOREDOM).
    And what is guilt but fear of punishment?  Also boring.  Surrender to the air and ride on it.  If there is a cosmic bureaucrat monitoring your behavior (see GOD), give him a good show.  Sell it, baby!  Be selfish.  Be a monster.  Sin, as Martin Luther said, bravely.  You have an obligation to indulge yourself.  Once you start going for safety it never stops, it's like money.  Never enough.  Go without assurance.  Safety is vulgar.
    Taking this attitude towards fear--an attitude of disdain--gives the right relation.  Fear is ignoble.  You are noble.
    You are more than noble.  You are divine.  Fear is forgetting that one is divine.  What can possibly happen to you?
    But here is the paradox: anything can happen to you, because divinity is vulnerability.  Insofar as you are divine, that far are you vulnerable.
    Which leads to a seduction: if you make yourself tall enough you'll fly, fine, but do you want to fly?  To get high, to experience joy always can only be desirable (see JOY), and yet you find yourself yearning for a vision with a little blood in it, even if it's your own.
    The analogy is to religion.  On each of the several continents the vast majority of sentient adults are apparently bores committed to some form of religious practice or metaphysical speculation; whereas if they really believed in their eternal natures as you do it might occur to them that eternity is adequate for the contemplation of the eternal.  We have made a privileged intrusion into time.  It is the moment for things of the earth.  If they're not to your taste you'll just have to wait for the bus back.
    So it is with your fear.  You cling to it not perhaps because you are afraid but because you find it cozy, like gray weather (see WEATHER).  You suspect that it may be the price of sensitivity (see MANNERS).  Uncertainty and ambiguity are the stuff of life.  How can they be relished without fear?  Your very sensuality requires that you feel fear.  There can be no shiver of anticipation without it.
    Make yourself tall enough and you'll fly, yes, but make yourself small enough and you'll get by.  Humility is comelier than pride.  If you are of a higher race it is the condition of your moment here that you forget that.
    Fear, that is, is luxury.  An indulgence.  If it makes you feel better, go ahead.
    (See also MORALITY).

Pretentious Pictures Presents:

You Need Money to Be Rich
a thriller about stealing with style
Nobody ever met cuter:
She's tough; he's refined.
She's practical; he's cultured.
She's brilliant; he's elegant.
She's serious; he's frivolous.
She's a lawyer; he's a crook.
She never loses; neither does he.
Daring British barrister Francesca Smithson, the darling of the press for her courtroom tactics, is appointed to defend American CFO Hugo Danch at hearings to extradite him to New York for absconding with a fortune from his crashing company Engone.
Proposed: Reese Witherspoon (Francesca)
But at the hotel there's a mix-up—she's sent to the suite of Romeo Balue, a light-hearted charmer who mistakes her for the call girl he'd ordered—

Proposed: Javier Bardem (Romeo)
and, what is it, her spirit of fun? she is in a rut—she plays along!
Soon she's leading a double life—by night Romeo's bird of paradise, by day the defender of a man with a briefcase full of bearer bonds.

Proposed: Tim Robbins (Hugo)
To avoid arrest Hugo allows her to take charge of the bonds—but then Romeo disappears with them! Who's been conning who?
Turns out he's a retired art thief, whose mistress Ada Hauptmeier has seen paintings at the Royal Academy of Arts that the Nazis confiscated from her family, and are now in the hands of the Russian government, where they're being pilfered away. She doesn't want Romeo to do anything bad, but he's looking into it. 

Proposed: Anamaria Marinca (Ada) 
And why not scoop the bonds at the same time? 
What's Francesca to do? All right, she was bored with her fiancé, Jason—

Proposed: Steve Pemberton (Jason)
—but Romeo has disappeared with the bonds, and a truck full of paintings, left her on the hook with some murderous people...and the game heats up.
Set in London—

—and Lake Como
plus this—
equals this:           

Pretentious pictures presents
You Need Money to Be Rich

Pretentious Pictures Presents:

The trial of don Juan
A comedy of passions

The modern Don Juan is a woman in disguise—both a womanizer and a manizer, and active in both fields.

Famous, indeed legendary, she wears high boots, a flowing white shirt and a stylish little mustache, as if she’d just stepped out of the 17th century—everything but the sword.

She climbs balconies, changes lovers as fast as if she were dancing, and displays her sharp and wounding wit—in a way she does carry a sword— whenever it can win her a conquest.

Trouble is, she likes to gamble, and isn’t nearly as lucky at cards as she is at love. She loses fortunes, and is obliged to marry—in her role as a man.

But her wives—look, it’s not her fault!—die. And those who had stood to inherit believe she murdered them.

She’s been indicted, she’s a fugitive from justice, and now she’s making a video about what really happened—her testimony to the judge whom she dare not face in person.

Her adventures take her from Seville to Switzerland to Turkey to a Greek island to Rio de Janeiro

—a Don Juan out of Molière, Byron and Mozart, always in command, always victorious—well, at least until she meets Celeste—

—and encounters in her an aristocracy of feeling that compels in Don Juan the love she usually commands from others. And Celeste loves her—as a man. What happens when she takes off the mustache?

Leporello, Don Juan's servant and foil, misses no chance to contradict or belittle "him," though they have an affectionate bond. "She won't look that good in the daylight, sir." "Who wants to see her in the daylight?"

Rich widow Pucci Winkleman and the Don fall in love and marry. When she finds out he's a woman she conspires with him to keep it a secret—

—even from her sister-in-law Philistia. And when Pucci accidentally falls from a high place, and Philistia doesn't inherit, she begins an obsessive quest for revenge.

Livingston Bartlet rescues the Don from a gambling fiasco, and the Don rescues her from a husband she can't bear.

When she is hit by a train, he joins Philistia in her campaign to prevent Don Juan from enjoying their money. While gambling with it—

—the Don is drugged and kidnapped by an Emirate sultan, and taken to a house on the Turkish coast—

—where she is caught in the bath with the Sultan's seventh wife.

Don Juan escapes, abandons herself to the sea, and swims from wherever she is (she doesn’t know it’s Turkey) to a nearby island—

—where she emerges nude before the unbearably proper Roger Humphrey, who falls in love.

Relieved by Don Juan's facility with disguise, he takes "her" home, where his wife Thomasina falls in love with "him."

Don Juan is on the point of escaping this tense situation when in walks Celeste, whom he had loved at first sight in Seville years earlier—

—and has never stopped dreaming about, chasing her nude up eternal staircases, through labyrinths of pillars, in the sea.

With Celeste is her domineering husband, Bloke Bletherington, a dangerous man, and a jealous one—a Blackwater type with worldwide connections.

But now that Celeste is here, Don Juan is helpless to leave. They are in love, and Bloke sees it.

When Don Juan reveals herself to Bloke as a woman, he takes “her” to Rio—and drowns. By accident! Really, that’s how it happened!

And how did the bitchy sister-in-law die? Well, Don Juan did try a little voodoo while she was there—but she’s not on trial for that! 

Tell it to the judge. And Don Juan is on the run.

Pretentious pictures presents
The trial of don Juan
A comedy of passions

Pretentious Pictures Presents:

A comedy with a dark center

A Beverly Hills woman wakes up "older" and finds her life with a younger man undignified. The stage version was produced in at the Creative Place Theatre in NYC.

Attached: Bo Derek

Diana, the Hamlet at the heart of this comedy, is a clothes designer with a boutique on Rodeo Drive, a house in Beverly Hills, and a younger lover, Jim, her kept man for two years now. There’s nothing she can’t handle—except getting older.

She deals with a birthday by throwing him out. They're right for each other, she regrets it immediately, but she can't take him back, because her daughter Jackie, who idolizes and competes with her, tells her Jim has seduced her, and Diana believes it.

Proposed: Don Johnson

So she makes do with the respectable but empty life she'd thought she needed, with her lawyer Griff—more her age, and on her success level. Griff has been in love with her for years. Now’s his chance.

Proposed: Gael García Bernal

Jim is happy with a champagne-and-sports-car life, but he’s also a talented script-writer who’s postponing seriousness into a future that never comes. Together they’re fast company. They must have been brilliant at her birthday party last night.

This morning, though, even while he’s making love to her, she’s spooked. She tells him he has to go. She wants something more presentable, more—respectable—before it’s too late. Which shocks him. He takes life as it comes, but this is a bit violent.

Proposed: Jennifer Coolidge

Betsy, the suicidal widow of a husband she drove to suicide, is too scattered to pass a driving test, takes a lesson with Jim, spins the car onto a Mulholland Drive cliff and is ready to gun it and take him with her. He calms her down and she takes him home. But he can't forget Diana.

Proposed: Adelaide Clemens

Jackie, Diana’s daughter, idolizes her and so misses no chance to pick at and defy her. Inwardly shaky, she is outwardly impish and sexy. She thinks she’s in love with Jim; in fact what she needs is a father.

Proposed: Owen Teague

Betsy's son Dylan—eccentric hair, psychotic eyes, twitches constantly and rhythmically as if keeping time to music he doesn’t much enjoy—is in the same class at UCLA with Jackie, over whom he moans uncontrollably. He disgusts her.

Proposed: Rosie Perez 

Maria, Diana's housekeeper, is the deadpan foil to Diana's Hamlet, secret ally to Jim, and the one person Diana doesn't dare defy.

Proposed: Amy Brenneman

GWEN is Diana's mischievous best friend and alter-ego. She'll take Jim if Diana doesn't want him! Just kidding. In an attempt to bring them back together she throws a party and invites both of them, but it turns into a confrontation....

And the final character is Beverly Hills—the tone, the climate, the village size and ambiance that make it inevitable for these people to collide.

Pretentious pictures presents
a comedy with a dark center.