A Perfect Gentleman


On YouTube, if you like.

I’d be a perfect gentleman

If I weren’t such a prick!

I’d prize exalted feeling

And put by double-dealing

If I but could

Do as I should

Like Harry, Tom and Dick.

I’d be a perfect gentleman

If I weren’t such a prick!

 

I’d make a flawless model

Of sentimental twaddle

If I submitted

To be insipid—

The idea makes me sick!

I’d be a perfect gentleman

If I weren’t such a prick!

 

I’d sparkle in society

With exquisite propriety

And keep a smile

Upon my dial

As if I gave a lick.

I’d be a perfect gentleman

If I weren’t such a prick!

 

Debauchery with harlots

And dalliance with starlets—

But why should I

Pass any by

When I can have my pick?

I’d be a perfect gentleman

If I weren’t such a prick!

 

The darlings all endeavor

To make it last forever!

And how their eyes

And soulful sighs

Do cut me to the quick!

Oh, I’d be a perfect gentleman—

(He’d be a perfect gentleman!)

I’d be a perfect gentleman—

(He’d be a perfect gentleman!)

I’d be a perfect gentleman—

(He’d be a perfect gentleman!)

If I weren’t such a prick!


This is merely a song in

Nothing to do with me.

Robert MacLean is a bad poet and an independent filmmaker. His The Light Touch is on Amazon Prime, Tubi, Scanbox and YouTube, and his 7-minute comedy is an out-loud laugh. He is also a screamingly funny novelist, a playwright, a blogger, a YouTuber, a reviewer of films, a literary critic, and a stand-up comic poet. Born Toronto, PhD McGill, taught at Canadian universities, too cold, lives Greece, Irish citizen. He is of towering intellect but, as is often the case with such people, not that bright.
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