Sand in my underwear:

I don't want a state of grace, I want a state of gorgeousness.

I'm of eighty-five minds about everything. I just try to lie still and not think.

I can identify with anyone but myself.

Stars are fans, too; they fall in love with each other’s publicity.

The depth of my philosophy: Cervisia non potest praefrigidi, neque nimia salis in Gallica frixam potatoes. (The beer can't be too cold, and there can't be too much salt on the fries.)

To make money you need brains; to spend money you need culture.  I have no brains at all, but I'm crawling with culture. 

The truth is hard to come by, and overrated.

My opinions sneer at one another.

Honesty is the sincerest form of aggression.  Whenever someone wants to level with you, duck.

All philosophy since Hume is mood music.

The burnt child, alas, does not fear the fire.

You can love India but you can't like it.  It's the opposite of Bach.

The limits of my homosexuality: a woman's bare feet are always glance-worthy; a man's bare feet are always inconvenient.

Humor, like pornography, incites a single emotion, in various positions.

You can fake being serious, but you can't fake being funny.

The funny persuades us; you can be ashamed of crying, but not of laughing.


Also by Robert MacLean, the "Toby" books,
Will You Please Fuck Off? at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazonITAmazonES and Smashwords;
Foreign Matter at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazonITAmazonES and Smashwords; 
Total Moisture at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazonITAmazonES and Smashwords; 
and these, too,
Mortal Coil: A Comedy of Corpses at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DE, AmazonIT and AmazonES;
The President's Palm Reader: A Washington Comedy at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazonIT and AmazonES; and
Greek Island Murder at Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazon IT and Amazon ES.

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