(A chapter in YOU HAVE UPSET THE BALANCE OF THE UNIVERSE BY BEING BORN: Advice on How to Live by Dr Robert MacLean, PhD: http://robertmaclean.blogspot.com/p/you-have-upset-balance-of-universe-by.html. Watch this space for the next chapter.)
You are a little shocked by the fact of having a body. To be in the world is one thing; to be a body in it is quite something else. You wake, sit on the side of the bed and see yourself in milady's mirror, as much an apparition to yourself as to anyone else. What is going on?
The Doctor reports that very often in his adult life when he has looked at his watch it has either been on the hour or thirteen minutes past. Two times out of three, say. Is his body doing that?
(The Doctor by the way does not have a wrist manacle. It is rude to wear them in the evening--see MANNERS--and the phones have replaced them anyway.)
Getting a haircut, examining your imperfections in a new mirror, you conclude again that you're OK, you look good. You don't know how you do it. Exercise for you is walking around while you floss.
It must be a gift. You think you're enchanted. You think you're an exception. You think you're a special case. Now: is thinking so different from being so? (See REALITY.)
But what kind of gift is it? You are your body and yet there are robotic aspects about it, the wiring and sealed cables and so forth. It makes you nervous. Your hypochondriasis drives you to excesses of sunscreen and time-release vitamins. Your interrogations of partners before and after the sex act are brutal, brutal. And if the Hindus are right and you do reincarnate, will you always be this lucky?
Said the king to the queen, We do frown on—
Your getting in bed with your
crown on.
We lie there and fear,
Should the points come too near,
We’ll be gored when we’re
being gone down on.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
If we’re to explore the roots
of royalty we must go back to King
Arthur, to Homer,
nay, to very Eden!
In our empire of
course we have a president,
or at least we like to think so.
Your limericist
manqué,
The Bob
Robert MacLean is an independent filmmaker. His The Light Touch is on Amazon Prime, Tubi and Scanbox, and his 7-minute comedy is an out-loud laugh. He is also a novelist, a playwright, a blogger, a YouTuber, a film reviewer, a literary critic, and a stand-up comic poet. Born Toronto, PhD McGill, taught at Canadian universities, too cold, live Greece, Irish citizen. No brains but an intellectual snob.
“I have great faith in fools—self-confidence my friends will call it.”—Edgar Poe
Pretentious Pictures Presents:
The
Courier
a
comic thriller
A courier delivers messages of love and death, and takes a hand in who gets what.
A beautiful boy
who works for an Athens messenger service—
—carries love letters between an arms dealer
and his wife, who falls in love with the courier.
He’s the
British Ambassador’s nephew, and when he dresses as a girl at an embassy party the
arms dealer falls in love with—“her”.
—between Arabs with plutonium capsules for the small nuclear
bombs the arms dealer sells them—
—all while shifting genders to keep the infatuation
alive that will reunite husb and and
wife.
Pursued by the
CIA, morally-loaded material in the document box on his motorcycle, he heads to
a rendezvous with a mushroom-cloud climax.
Pretentious Pictures presents
a comic thriller.
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