Pretentious Pictures Presents:

Ain’t it awful!

The next Pink Panther—

light classy international humor,

and one of the 

Trials of a gigolo

series, based on

The books and the videos

Handsome lazy worthless Toby travels with sweet rich blonde bubble-head Marcie, who adores him and gives him whatever he wants, including a house on a Greek island.

Proposed: Camilla Cleese

Trouble is, her nine-year-old daughter Andrea is smarter than both of them put together. "The child." One mustn't turn one's back on it.

It likes to perform experiments on small animals—and on him.

Proposed: David Faustino

Toby’s coarse-grained friend Toad was a ladies’ man until he met his young wife, Darleen. She was the first woman ever to turn Toad down, so he loves her madly. She finds him disgusting, and sprays the phone after he uses it. 

Proposed: Lily-Rose Depp

Darleen prefers Toby. She and Toad are on the island with Toby and Marcie in a house across the lane, where Darleen can conveniently climb in Toby’s window.

The child regards Toby and Toad as A-words—"I'm not allowed to say asshole"—and would have got rid of Toby long ago, but she sees that her mommy loves him, and she loves her mommy.

Proposed: John Cleese

Her grandfather, Marcie’s father-in-law, Hazelton Turnbull "Hard-Turd" Harding IV, a mega-buck bully, controls the purse strings, loathes giving Marcie her allowance—and loathes Toby. But he loves his little granddaughter, and she’s where the power lies.

            Attached: Despina Mirou

Haze has come to the island to shoot a commercial for his new shampoo. When the actress, Tremula, sees Toby, she has an orgasm on the spot. Very expressive.

Attached: Joe Hitchen

Tremula's bodyguard / boyfriend Bonejay has it in for Toby, and steals Haze’s shampoo formula. The child electrocutes him in the bath.

Attached: Antigone Kouloukakis

Haze has brought his mistress to the island, and, in a subtler way—not that Haze doesn’t see it—she too is after Toby. When he gets thrown out she takes him in.

Proposed: Theodora Greece

Toby takes refuge in a port-side café where he can snooze—

—but is discovered there by Grizelda, a chambermaid from the Paris Ritz who claims he made her pregnant. He rejects her because “You’re fat,” and she makes attempts on his life.

Proposed: Corin Nemec

Eco-terrorist the Organic Avenger arrives to assassinate Haze for polluting the sea with his shampoo. He and Grizelda find each other at mid-murder and fall in love. 

Proposed cameo: Monica Bellucci

The Woman of a Certain Age doesn’t even exist. She’s a nightmare Marcie has about somebody stealing Toby.

Pretentious Pictures presents 

a summer comedy.

Robert MacLean is an independent filmmaker. His recent The Light Touch is on Amazon Prime, Tubi and Scanbox, and his 7-minute comedy is an out-loud laugh. He is also a novelist, a playwright, a blogger, a YouTuber, a film reviewer, a literary critic, and a stand-up comic poet. Born Toronto, PhD McGill, taught at Canadian universities, too cold, live Greece, Irish citizen. No brains, but an intellectual snob.

“I was beastly but never coarse. A high-class sort of heel.”

The Light Touch on Amazon Prime

The Natural Wish to Be Robert MacLean

The Devil's Pleasure Garden