On Finnegans Wake

It's a barroom rant in the style of Professor Irwin Corey, opaque until you see something. But even in its opacity it's God's mirror. (“That is God,” says Stephen, “a shout in the street.”) It helps to have a few drinks—then you're on his wavelength.

It's a volcano in a cultured mind, a confession mumbled in the sleep, a prophesy, a bag-man’s babble, a bomb site, a pre-fab ruin, a druid’s curse on Rome, an Irishman’s revenge on English, a child’s private language, like the baby talk that starts the Portrait of the Artist, the language cookie crumbling into amusing shapes—concrete shapes, not abstract ones—this is not a Protestant work. It’s sort of a magazine.


Joyce drops the Western tradition into the toilet and flushes, riverrun past Eve and Adam's. He throws it up on the sidewalk, fragments of culture in a stomach-acid soup, and, dog-like, eats it up again—it ain't bad!


Finnegans Wake is as earthy, grotesque, giant-haunted, list-loving, wine-drenched and fool-playing as its ancestor Gargantua; and as sensuous as Ulysses—the only book I know with its own smell. (Greenish and yellow, if odors be colors.)


It’s a white elephant, a hoax, a waste of time—and this is the key: time wasted is time well spent. It’s any number of things—the one thing it’s not is serious.


I have a horror of somebody trying to tell me what it means.


The writer’s problem is that one must Say Things. Nobody wants to Say Things—it’s a bore. Joyce found the solution.


He's one of the three great Catholic (but not Christian!) artists of the last century—Joyce, Picasso, Fellini. JJ, PP, FF. No Puritan can bear what he does to The Word.


It’s the still point of the turning world—but one laugh, one glimpse of God and you're dragged in and turning too.


You can only read it if you don’t want to get it read—it isn't to be read, it's to be witnessed. It’s a pass at the present tense, the closest thing to now outside of sex. We spend our day traveling between ecstasies—then the book reads us and for a moment we understand ourselves.


A marginalium: ENTER THE COP AND HOW. SECURES GUBERNANT URBIS TERROREM. (He's our guy!)


The Wake is the end of something; that seems clear. Then came ersatz Joyces—the disciples of modernist difficulty—and then our last great writer, my beloved Nabokov, whose images make me weep with joy but is such a stuffed shirt.


The real epilogues are the comedians—Wodehouse, the first pages of Catch 22, and Anita Loos—whose Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Joyce was following in a magazine series as he wrote the Wake.


Putting aside what one has learned is hard, to say the least. The most most of us can manage is to play music on it. Finnegans Wake puts it all aside: it’s the ultimate sensuality. So dangerous. Nothing left now but The Beginning.


It’s the Western I Ching—you open it at random to find out how you are today. And who.

Anger and Exasperation: A Toby Moment

“Toby,” said the child, “what’s the difference between anger and exasperation?”
I didn't even open my eyes. “Buzz off.”
“Tell me! I want to know!”
I rolled my head in my hammock and looked at it. It is a girl child, and not easily deterred. One can’t just shoo it away. “Is that your new phone?”
“Yes.”
“Give it to me.”
“No! Get your own!”
“What would I want with a phone? Is your grandfather’s number on it yet?”
“Yes.”
“Get it.”
It handed me the phone, open at “Gwampa”. I swear to God the kid wrote it that way.
“He’ll know your voice,” it said.
I tapped on Gwampa and Haze’s phone rang.
“Hello!” he shouted, jerked away from running his empire.
I tried my French voice. “Allo. Tobee est là?
“What?”
Tobee!” I insisted. “Is he zere?”
“No, there’s no Toby here.” He hung up.
I tapped. Ring-ring. “Hello!
I did my sinus-infection Brit aristo. “Oh hullo. I'd like to speak to Toby, please.”
There is no Toby here!”
“Could you just have a look round? It's frightfully important.
“You want me to do what? Do you know who you're talking to?
“No need to get shirty, old thing. When will he be back? Can you take a message?”
“No, I can’t take a message, because he won’t be back. He’s never here, so it’s impossible for him to be ‘back,’ you understand?” He hung up.
I glanced at the child as I tapped again. “HELLO!
I did my Louis. “Hey, muthafuckah! Get Toby for me, will ya?”
“There IS. NO. TOBY. HERE! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THE IDEA THAT TOBY IS HERE? HE’S NOT HERE!
I held this up for the child to hear. “That’s anger,” I explained.
He hung up. I tapped. Ring-ring. “WHAT!
“Hi, this is Toby. Were there any calls for me?”
I handed the child the phone and closed my eyes. “Run along,” I said, waving it away.

If you’re planning on the south of France this summer, try this Toby book. If it’s Paris or London, grab this one. Athens-Hydra? Here you go. Or how about a tour of the Greek islands?
Bon voyage!

Oh, and in case you didn’t know—

Robert MacLean is a bad poet and an independent filmmaker. His The Light Touch is on Amazon PrimeTubi and Scanbox, and his 7-minute comedy is an out-loud laugh. He is also a novelist, a playwright, a blogger, a YouTuber, a film reviewer, a literary critic, and a stand-up comic poet. Born Toronto, PhD McGill, taught at Canadian universities, too cold, live Greece, Irish citizen. No brains but an intellectual snob.


“I'm afraid of NOTHING except being bored!”―Greta Garbo

The Light Touch on Amazon Prime

The Natural Wish to Be Robert MacLean


The New Age Blues (a song I'm working on)

Well my baby got back just the other day.
I said, “I didn’t realize you’d been away.”
She said, “I been hangin’ out in Santa Fe.”

I moved to make some room for her in bed,
And her blank stare made me wonder what I’d said.
She said, “I’m New Age now and I meditate instead.”

I got the New Age blues, and I’m as blue as I can be.
I got a cork-and-iron-lined WC,
And I’m eliminatin’ my impurity.

So I called her up and asked her, why did she go?
And she told me her New Mexico amigo
Prescribed a rice and water diet for my ego.

Well, I’m doin’ all I can to quash the rumor,
Spread by geriatric baby boomers,
That New Age people have no sense of humor.

I got the New Age blues, etc.



Also by Robert MacLean:  

Mortal Coil: A Comedy of Corpses at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords;

The President's Palm Reader: A Washington Comedy at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords; 

and the Toby books: 

Foreign Matter at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords;

Total Moisture at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords;

The Cad at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords; and 

Will You Please Fuck Off? at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon FR, Amazon DE and Smashwords.

And they're all at Apple, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, Sony, Kobo, Diesel—the whole street.