The Devil's Pleasure Garden: Limericks

A resored limerick, told me in fragments by a bartender W.H. Auden recited it to:

Said the king to the queen, We do frown on

Your getting in bed with your crown on;

We lie there in fear,

Should the points come too near,

We'll be gored while we’re being gone down on.

Although toes were his favorite dish

Hers were riper than he could quite wish.

The solution he found

Was to work his way down

And have the cheese after the fish.

Picking my nose in the nude

Might seem a little bit rude

But it’s in to the knuckle

And with any luck’ll

Be out while we’re still in the mood.

Although ordinarily gracious,

Certain comments could make her pugnatious,

As when he implied

That when he was inside,

Her thing was a little too spacious.

So she dripped on his honor a stain

By permitting herself to complain

That during the act

The regrettable fact

Was she didn’t quite feel enough pain.

The best, if not the only way, to ride her

Is with her on her back, and you inside her.

With the lady on her front

You’re a boathook in her cunt,

And may as well just pry her pucker wider.

The expulsion of waste from the bowels

To the gutturalizing of vowels

Occasions such pleasure

That ladies of leisure

Sit and strain till it jiggles their jowls.

I hang from the bedstead above you,
And now I must surgically glove you,
So that we can extract
With exquisite tact
A nice little souvenir of you.

Robert MacLean is an independent filmmaker. His The Light Touch is on Amazon Prime, Tubi and Scanbox, and his 7-minute comedy is an out-loud laugh. He is also a novelist, a playwright, a blogger, a YouTuber, a film reviewer, a literary critic, and a stand-up comic poet. Born Toronto, PhD McGill, taught at Canadian universities, too cold, live Greece, Irish citizen. No brains but an intellectual snob.

The Devil's Pleasure Garden