Nifty quotes from The President's Palm Reader

"In New York I was taken in by a richish lady with an off-off-Park Avenue apartment where I lived while I was looking for a job. Went out to the balcony every day, looked."

"This isn’t working," she said, my lingam limp in her fist. The firestorm is about to start and for a special treat she humiliates my manhood. It was enough to reopen the debate on whether women have souls.

Honesty is the sincerest form of aggression. Whenever someone wants to level with you, duck.

"What’s your problem," I challenged. "Love," he said. "Love and money. I have a little of both, you understand, but in neither case is it the real thing."

"You ain’t runnin on a deficit, you ain’t alive!" he said. "You daid! We gone leave all that to the bean-counters and get on with runnin’ the govamint."

"O-o-o-o-o-o-oh, I don’t care if it rains or freezes, I’ve still got my plastic Jesus, Ridin on the dashboard of my car," she sang.

"Too much character isn’t good for you, Belton. I’m writing a book on it."

The bills came over for his signature—he took a wad of them out a drawer to show me—but he didn’t, he didn’t know! Should he sign them? He’d shown them to his wife and she’d liked some of them but she always said ask Reb.
He didn’t want to ask Reb! He hated Reb! It was practically written in stone that the vice president disappears after the election! Presides over the Senate! Counts hands!
Reb was running everything, how was that for humiliating! And she let him!

This book makes fun of politicians and their sexual peculiarities. It makes fun of certain presidents, vice presidents and secretaries of state. It makes fun of women. It makes fun of gays. It makes fun of Americans. It makes fun of blacks, Hispanics, rednecks and bible-thumpers. It makes fun of Canadians, Russians, Brits and French people. It makes fun of Africans, it makes fun of Asians, it makes fun of Latinos. It’s a lot of fun. 

"I've published many books and taught writing for decades, and I take my hat off to this kind of talent when I see it....I've been publishing fiction for a while, and have taught writing for decades, and this is a writer I wish I'd had around in one of my workshops. He's made a few interesting films, and written some fine plays, but fiction is where he started, and he's very good at it."—Collector Guy 

"I think your writing style is fascinating and very entertaining."—John Locke 

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