Loose Shoes

Reg’d © Library of Congress
A black comedy set in a small seaside hotel

A very very nice woman, on vacation in a beach hotel, meets a very very bad woman, who looks just like her—in fact they’re both played by Despina Mirou—and is determined to seduce Ms Nice’s husband.

Ms Bad is a nightclub singer who impersonates Lucy, Marilyn, Liz, Marlene, Kim, Bette, Joan and Vivien—and captivates Mr Nice. (Tom Malloy)

She is also a dominatrix—

—in the employ of an English aristocrat who enjoys being tortured by her. (Duncan Skinner)

As the ladies step into each other’s shoes their men, and then they themselves, lose track of who they’re supposed to be.

Pretentious Pictures presents a summer comedy.

Reg’d © Library of Congress

Feminism

(A chapter in YOU HAVE UPSET THE BALANCE OF THE UNIVERSE BY BEING BORN: Advice on How to Live by Dr Robert MacLean, PhD: http://robertmaclean.blogspot.com/p/you-have-upset-balance-of-universe-by.html.  A new one every so often.)
    
    Freud taught us that every act is sexual (see Freud).  With the women's movement we have emerged into that Periclean light of day in which every act is political.
    It is in some places now illegal to speak of women as in any way different from men.  If you are a man you may feel you know better but try to keep the issue in the background.  They taught you how to put on your own pants.  You didn't like that.  They taught you how to tie your shoes.  You didn't like that.  You can do this too.
    Women are a constant in life.  You can't run away from them.  Many men actually become women (see HOMOSEXUALITY, YOUR).  You have at least one woman inside you, possibly more.  You are outnumbered.
    Feminism has refined our manners (see MANNERS).  The Doctor believes that we are here for a holiday.  A change.  Shooting-the-rapids sort of thing.  Soon we'll be back in our livingrooms watching TV.  Progress is the good we do while we're here, a natural offshoot of our divinity.  (But see MORALITY.)
    Many women are working towards a value-affirming committee-endorsed rapprochement after which everything will become smooth and predictable.  You regard this as a little ambitious but you play along.
    "Well then are you a feminist, Doctor?"
    "Not particularly."
    "Why not?"
    "I don't know.  Why am I not a Methodist?"
    "Perhaps you weren't born into a Methodist family."
    "Were you born into a feminist family?"
    "How do you know I'm a feminist?"
    "How do I know I'm sitting in a chair?"
    "Because your ass is going to sleep?"
    "That's exactly how I know you're a feminist."
    Remember, you're as good as they are.  You even have tits.

Will You Please Fuck Off?—the movie

The one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous.—Salvador Dalí 

Toby travels with an American woman who pays. He's got it made, except that her nine-year-old daughter is smarter than he is.  (This episode in the series takes place in London.)  Based on the novella:

Lazy, good-for-nothing, pleasure-loving Toby, in flight from his creditors, has tried it as an English-teacher in Paris ("know-your-words sort of thing") and as a tour guide in Italy and Greece—

Proposed cast: Jean Dujardin (Toby)

—and has now relaxed into the good life, traveling with rich bubblehead Marcie,

to Bali, Hydra, Puerto Vallerta, wherever he can avoid cold weather and alarm clocks.  Marcie is the widow of a scientific genius, now dead in some wacko experiment, and her nine-year-old daughter by him, Andrea, thinks in megabytes.

And there's the rub: "Marcie is no smarter than anybody else; the child is smarter than anybody else"—including Toby, who she treats as her yo-yo.  She'd have got rid of him long ago but her mommy loves him, so she keeps him around to, what, play with. 

Proposed cast: John Goodman (Haze)

Marcie’s father-in-law, billionaire Hazelton Turnbull “Hard Turd” Harding IV, loathes Toby, and loathes giving Marcie her allowance to feed him.  But he loves his little granddaughter, and there lies the control.

Now Haze has summoned Marcie and Andrea to London, so they can pose as a family while he pretends to buy and old house, but in fact wants to marry Marcie to Lord Michael, and pass the title on to Andrea.

Proposed cast: Scott Hinds (Lord Michael)

They distract Toby with Dr Lu, a hooker posing as a psychiatrist,

who lures him into compromising situations; one of which involves dropping his dry goods in front of the Queen.  

Proposed cast: Mary Reynolds (HRH) 

And as if he didn't have enough trouble, the house is haunted by a gay ghost who's in love with Toby.  

Proposed cast: Mat Baynton (Oliphant)

  Will You Please Fuck Off? is part of the Toby series:

Pretentious Pictures presents a London comedy.